This Week in Failure (Brought to You by Kevin Smith and the Oscars)

FEB 17, 2010

Silly Director, Airplanes Are for Skinny People!

Major drama unfolded earlier this week when writer-director Kevin Smith (Clerks, Zack and Miri Make a Porno) was kicked off a Southwest Airlines (aka the Fast Food Way to Fly) flight for being too fat. Though he was later allowed on another flight, Smith used the opportunity to publicly shame Southwest after they publicly embarrassed him by dragging the poor guy off the plane in front of everyone (including an even fatter guy) on the plane. Talk about watching that caught-in-the-classroom-without-clothes-on nightmare actually come true.

From an onslaught of nasty tweets to over 20 different podcasts on the topic, Smith has caused an online firestorm. Meanwhile, Southwest issued a half-assed apology that refused to admit that Kevin Smith was not too fat for their seat, which he wasn't, according to Smith ... and the above picture he took of himself on the plane.

Where Are We Now: Well, Smith conveniently has a film coming out in two weeks, but that’s just a happy accident – I don’t think he has any intentions of playing this up for marketing sympathy. I’d be pretty pissed off, too, if I were him, at the airline and at myself for loving food just a little too much. On the other hand, I’d be surprised if Warner Bros. didn’t at least try to use this to their advantage, like changing the voiceover at the beginning of their Cop Out TV spots to “From the director who brought you Clerks and is too fat to fly on Southwest….”

What Did We Learn: 1. Southwest is afraid of fat people. 2. Kevin Smith is more popular on Twitter than he is at the box office. 3. How much is Weight Watchers, anyway?

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Oscars to Remove the American Idol Part from the Show

Remember those nominated for Best Song always belted it out live on stage? One of the cooler, sweeter moments from an otherwise boring “it’s all about us” fest, I always thought. Unfortunately, the new Oscar gurus (led byHairspray director Adam Shankman) feel those parts weigh down the show, and, as such, are eliminating them in favor of music playing over scenes from each nominated film. Yep, they’re replacing it with another montage. As if there aren’t 45 of those each show.

If I wanted to watch a show full of montages, I’d spend four hours on YouTube … and it’d be a lot more fun. Seriously – just give us some live entertainment, tell us who will be on the cover of People next week, and show us who wore the worst dress. Must we over-analyze a television program that ultimately means about as much to us as that broken flashlight somewhere in the garage?

What the Oscars Should Get Rid Of: The idiots who write the presenter speeches. Aren’t these people artists? Then let them create their own award introduction.

What the Oscars Should Add: A random fist fight. Could be staged, I don’t care. I just want to watch someone get a beatdown after Alec Baldwin sings and dances on stage.